Curse of the Potency Page 5

  For God’s sake, I thought, nipping out of there as fast as I could nip.

  *****

  “Right,” I said when I returned, eager to just get it all over and done with. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”

  “Good,” she said, giving me a sort of half-smile, half-wince, almost as if she had something painful stuck in her bottom.

  It started innocently enough. She took some instruments from one of the many tables and came over to my side of the desk, then crouched down next to me while I just sat still and tried not to look at her or let her wonderful smell get to me as she went through all the standard doctor bollocks: checking my pulse, my breathing, blood pressure, my ears and eyes, and all that.

  “Okay,” she said, standing up and returning to her chair.

  She took a few notes and I tried to keep my thoughts firmly on nothing in particular.

  “Okay,” she said again. “Please go and lie on the bed now.”

  She pointed to the bed with wheels. I stood up, walked over to it, and lay down.

  She came over, holding a pair of white rubber gloves. At that point, I definitely started to worry.

  “What are those for?”

  “I need to examine you, Dave,” she said, putting them on. “In fact”—she looked down at me with a frown—“it’s not going to work like this. I need you to take off your clothes.”

  This was something I had not expected, and now that it was being asked of me, I was so shocked by her request that I actually just stared at her, open-jawed. I was being stupid, of course, and should have expected it, but I really didn’t want her seeing my bulbous, furry lump of sweat of a body.

  “Please, Dave,” she said, frowning. “It’s necessary.”

  I sighed, sat up and swung my legs over the bed. There was no point in arguing, and I knew it. Standing up, I pulled off my T-shirt, then my trousers, then my socks. Now I was stood before her in only my underpants.

  “Sorry, I need you fully naked,” she said. “I hope you can understand why…”

  “Seriously?” I said.

  “Seriously.”

  That frown would not leave her face.

  I shook my head, sorely wishing there had been a bottle of spirits to hand.

  “Dave,” she said. “Please—”

  “Alright.” I put up a hand. “I’ll do it.”

  I slowly pulled off my underpants. Then, for some reason, I just stood for a moment and looked at her, everything hanging out.

  “This okay?” I said sarcastically.

  She nodded, biting her bottom lip and, I swear, repressing a smile.

  Of course, I thought. I’d always been a big joke to women. The funny thing is, I do like to make people laugh.

  *****

  Then came the real examination.

  She was thorough; I have to hand it to her. She had one of those little pen lights, which she pointed at every orifice, as well as a sort of a high-tech scanning device connected to a large computer screen machine thing on wheels.

  “Don’t be alarmed,” she said. “This is a new piece of cutting-edge scanning technology that Daryl had sent over from our colleagues in America. It’s called a full spectrum tricordium. If I appear to be flustered, it’s only because I am still getting to grips with it myself.”

  She laid this high-tech thingamajig on me, driving it all over my skin. It made little humming noises as its cool plastic rubbed over my flab, and she was constantly glancing over at the large computer as she went. Every so often she would stop, put it down, look intently at the screen, scratch her head, and take notes.

  “This is extremely odd, you know, Dave,” she eventually said with a frown. “That green luminescence from your urine. I can see it everywhere here, across your urinary system. The whole thing is lit up like a Christmas tree.”

  Ordinarily I would have reacted to such a frightening statement, but I was fully occupied just trying not to think about the fact that my member was hanging out, right there for her to see. It wasn’t easy.

  Pretty soon I surprised myself by pushing past the shock. Still nervous as hell, of course, but to counteract the effects I found myself spouting stupid little one-liners to her as she went about her probings.

  “Like what you see?”

  She ignored me.

  “Mother nature would be proud, wouldn’t she?”

  Still she just ignored me.

  “I don’t think that part of me has ever seen the light of day before, thank you.”

  “Dave,” she said, sounding a bit fed up. “Just let me get on with this, okay? It’ll go faster that way.”

  “Easy for you to say.”

  “This is far from easy for me.”

  “What do you mean?”

  I didn’t like that.

  “Oh nothing,” she said, sounding really fed up now.

  “Wot? Not exactly a sight for sore eyes, am I?”

  She let out a quick-fire sigh, expelling frustration.

  “No, guess I’m not,” I continued anyway, for some reason not able to stop. “Never been a looker. But I’m not a bad sort, not really, though most women seem to think I am. They say you should never judge a book by its cover, and well, it’s still not fair, really, is it? You’re getting to judge me by what’s under the cover.”

  “Please, Dave, stop it!”

  I could see she was upset, and I have to admit, it was my fault and I did feel like a bit of a prat.

  “Look, I’ve still got lots to do here,” she said. “You need to appreciate that getting this in-depth picture of you really is crucial to understanding what is going on with you. I mean, I’ve never seen anything like this before. It does appear that your urinary system has undergone some sort of a chemical metamorphosis. It’s quite simply”—she searched for the word—“astounding. And look, I know this part is uncomfortable, but it’s really, really important I do this.”

  “Okay,” I said. “I’m sorry.”

  “There’s still the most difficult part of all to come, I’m afraid.”

  I was going to ask what she meant by that, but before I had a chance, she had picked up my member in one of those rubber gloved hands. I froze, in shock, in fear and, I had to admit, in a little bit of excitement. She was examining it closely. From all angles. She even took out her phone and took a few close-up pictures.

  “Just so we don’t need to go through this particular bit again,” she explained.

  I nodded furiously, my heart practically pumping itself out of my chest.

  Finally, she put him down to one side. I breathed a sigh of relief, thinking it was over. How wrong I was though, for then she moved on to my gonads! She placed one after the other in her hand, weighing each one, prodding. It actually got to the point where, what with the rubber gloves, it tickled. I couldn’t help but laugh.

  “Oh, Dave!” she cried.

  And suddenly she stood back. She was no longer touching me. I wondered if she’d found something strange. Maybe a hidden mutated third gonad or something, the cause of all my troubles.

  So I lifted my head, and the shock was ten times worse, for I saw very clearly that my member had for some reason decided to stand himself up, tall and erect, the very model of a soldier called to attention.

  *****

  There was no way really to get around that with any dignity intact. As soon as I sat up, she looked at me, put a hand over her mouth and stared at me in shock.

  I scrambled off the bed, rushing to the nearby table, where she had kindly placed my clothes.

  “I’m sorry,” I said as I pulled on my underpants. “I don’t know why I did that.”

  “You’re only human,” I heard her say.

  I put on the rest of my clothes. Thankfully, what with the utter scare I’d just had, my member was behaving now.

  “I can’t believe I just did that,” I said, turning towards her. “Nothing like that has ever happened to me before.”

  “Well,” she said. “You’ve probably never been exami
ned like that before. Don’t worry about it, okay? Shit happens sometimes.”

  I liked the way she said that, but I still felt extremely ungentlemanly, which was very strange, I know, since I’d hardly intended for that to happen, and I’d never considered myself the gentlemanly type.

  “No,” I said. “That shouldn’t have happened. You didn’t deserve that.”

  “Deserve?”

  “Well,” I said, getting myself in a pickle. “I don’t mean you’re not good-looking and everything, but—”

  “It’s okay, Dave.” She put up a hand to stop me, and once again I could see she was struggling to contain laughter. “Really. Let’s just pretend it didn’t happen.”

  “Alright, thanks,” I said. “It won’t happen again. I promise—”

  “What won’t happen again?”

  We both turned to the doorway. Daryl was stood there with a questioning look on his face.

  “Oh, Daryl. Hi,” said Molly, giving me a look, shaking her head.

  I understood the look.

  “Nothing, Daryl,” I said. “I just…” I had to think fast now. “I just wasn’t telling Molly the full story about something. Something a bit embarrassing. She’s a smart one though. There’s no fooling her.”

  “Oh yes?” said Daryl. “Pray tell.”

  “It’s nothing, Daryl,” said Molly. “He was just holding back about some of his more… unsavoury eating habits. I can spot a fib from a mile away. You know that.”

  “Indeed,” said Daryl. “Well, Dave, you must give Molly here everything she wants. I know she can be very demanding. That’s one of the things that makes her so special.”

  “Right,” I said, sensing a lot more going on between these two than I had previously thought. Actually, it forced me to recall what the doc had said about Daryl’s “girlfriend troubles,” and I started to wonder if Molly was part of that picture. If he had ever been with her, then he was an even luckier git than I’d thought.

  “Well,” said Daryl, rubbing his hands in that annoying way of his, “don’t mind me, you two. I just thought I’d pop in to see how things were going. Carry on. I’ll just sit over here and be as quiet as a mouse.”

  Molly gave me a look, raising her eyebrows. Yes, close shave, I thought. She sat down at her desk and indicated for me to do so too.

  “Okay, Dave,” she said. “We’re pretty much done here for today. I would like to do some further scans though, perhaps with an MRI machine.” She turned to Daryl. “Daryl, do you think that would be possible?”

  “What’s that?” he said, looking up from his phone, clearly not paying any attention.

  “An MRI machine, like I was just saying?”

  “Hmmm.” He made a sound like he wasn’t convinced.

  “I do feel it would be useful, just to get a different perspective,” she said. “Perhaps, we could ask one of the local hospitals if we can book a slot.”

  “No, Molly,” said Daryl. “I don’t want any outside parties involved. Besides, there’s no point. The full spectrum tricordium is the latest tech from Omega. It does everything an MRI can do and way more. You know that.”

  “Well, maybe we can rent one. It’s just… I am not one-hundred per cent clear on the capabilities of the tricordium and—”

  “I’ll look into it for you, okay, Molly?”

  Daryl bit his lip.

  “Thanks,” said Molly.

  Now she looked over all the notes she’d made on her desk. I waited while she flipped through them. Then she pulled out a folder from a stack lying to one side. Inside were a bunch of notepads. She took one out and placed it on the table in front of me.

  “Okay,” she said, looking at me seriously, “so my preliminary thoughts are, whatever is going on with you, the obvious first line of enquiry is diet-related. We at least need to rule that out, because from what I’ve heard from you, there is no other obvious event in your life that might have caused this condition, and as I said, your diet is rather… extreme. So moving forward, this is going to be your food diary.”

  Everyone seemed to be hung up on my diet, didn’t they? Still, I did have to admit that I liked my food more than most, and it also wasn’t what most people considered the best food. But still I looked at the little notepad questioningly, thinking that a “food diary” sounded rather like something kids did in primary school.

  Molly frowned at me. Then the frown broke into a smile.

  “I want you to write down everything you eat or drink, alright?”

  “Alright.” I shrugged, groaning inside.

  “Everything you eat,” she said gently. “Don’t leave anything out, okay? It’s really important.”

  “Okay,” I said, taking the notebook and flipping through the empty pages.

  It was actually a diary with a single page for each day of the year. I hoped one page would be enough…

  “After a few days, we will start with the dietary regimens,” she said, ignoring the fear that must have shown on my face. “But for now, I just want to you to eat normally.” She let out a little laugh. “I mean, normally for you.”

  I nodded, looking down at the tabletop.

  “Do you have anything you want to ask me?” said Molly.

  I did, actually. It would have been nice to ask all the questions I had about the company, the material they were developing, the Omega Group, and why everyone tolerated Daryl. But you must understand, I was still in a deep shock over the incident on the examination table, all the embarrassing details I had revealed to her, and talking freely to women has never been my strong point anyway. Plus, of course, the git himself Daryl had shown up and was right there.

  “Not at the moment,” I said.

  *****

  So that was that. I stood up to leave and Daryl came over. Molly was full of thank-yous and praise for the work I had done. She left me feeling very pleased and almost able to refrain from focusing too much on the extreme embarrassment of that terrible moment. Daryl said little but nodded in approval.

  As I was leaving the room, he started saying something to Molly, whispering, too quiet for me to hear, but I heard Molly making noises of disapproval and very definitely exclaim, “No, Daryl.” I turned to see what the fuss was.

  Daryl was talking, gesticulating with his arms. She just sat, silent. I caught her eye and she looked at me with an expression of utter misery. I was going to return to them, but she shook her head at me rapidly, warning me away.

  Of course Daryl noticed this, suddenly stopping his monologue.

  “I’m just having a private word with Molly here,” he said, turning his head but barely looking me in the eye. “You can go now, Dave.”

  So I left, but once again I was full of dislike for Daryl. Was it a good idea to be working for someone I found to be such a twat? The answer to that question was obviously no, but since I was a bit of a twat myself, I figured I kind of deserved it, and anyway, I could tolerate him for the money. I’d known far worse twats, I told myself, though in all honesty I couldn’t recall any specifically at that moment.

  Chapter 6

  Things sort of settled down for a few days after that, if you could call it that. Feeling strongly that I needed to help myself forget the utter embarrassment of that examination, I decided to go all out on eating. Fairly standard behaviour for me, I’m afraid. In my defence, I had been told to eat what I normally ate for the time being.

  There was a great-looking American diner-type place I had spotted in the neighbourhood, so I headed there for proper meals a couple of times. They had a great menu, top class. There was the “Flying Gorilla,” a large “dirty” milkshake packed with chocolate and bananas and all sorts of liqueurs. Pretty lush, actually. Then there was the “Cheeseburger Omelette with Pancakes,” a tasty dish packed with fatty hamburger pieces and loads of yellow American cheese, as well as pancakes with cheeky dollops of melting butter and maple syrup. Those were just a couple of my favourite things. Not bad at all. And of course there was the “Ridiculously
Awesome, Insanely Large Chocolate Cake.” That always caught my eye for pudding. I polished off a number of successful meals with that.

  I should say that I did continue to have updates with Molly, though I couldn’t quite bring myself to question her deeply on anything about the company. I got all clammy being around her, always the memory of that moment coming back to haunt me. Also, she insisted on doing detailed physical examinations of me on a daily basis, getting me back on that bed and with that scanner, though never in quite as thorough a manner as that first awful time. Okay, to be clear, she allowed me to wear underpants, and I kept my member under strict control. Strict control. The power of the mind, you see. And let’s leave it at that, shall we?

  Aside from that, I pretty much kept to myself, kept to the rules, and kept up that level of consumption. Actually, I had to admit, even for me I was spoiling myself, but what did it matter? I was on sixty grand a year now after all. I could afford it. And I was waiting, basically. Waiting to see how things would go. What would Molly discover? Would the company be successful? Could I hack it? On that question, I felt that time would give me the answer, but it had only been a few days, so I really should just chill out and lie low.

  Then things began to deteriorate. I suppose it started when I got paid. A nasty little surprise.

  After that, the deterioration never really let up.

  *****

  “What’s this?” I said, waving the statement summary slip in front of the nose of Christine, the girl at the fifth-floor reception. “I was on more at the bloody call centre!”

  She looked up at me as if I was mad. Admittedly, I had indulged in a bit of a liquid lunch that day, just a couple of pints of Guinness though, nothing too heavy.

  “Sorry,” she said. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “My salary.”

  “Oh… Well you’re asking the wrong person. I just arranged things how Daryl told me.”

  “Oh, so it’s him, is it?”

  Before she had a chance to say anything else, I stormed through the corridor to his office.

  “Daryl,” I said as I burst through his door.

  He was sat as he was before, head deep in his computer.